I have not forgotten that tomorrow I have a lab practical, and next week is my biology, organic chemistry, and physics finals…
I just haven’t started studying for any of them yet.
The end of third year hasn’t really hit me yet, evidently.
If you compared me to who I was last year…well, we might as well be polar opposites.
This semester, I have three lectures and two labs to attend (only, and together they’re only the minimum of 12 units), and I loyally do that, so long as you ignore the fact that I haven’t been paying attention in one of my lectures, and I’ve been half-sleeping through another. The two lab sessions, I feel are ridiculous as opposed to what their first semesters were like (i.e. BIO 240—“The word ‘fun’ is in fungi, but…the class isn’t; BIO 230—“learning experiences galore”). The only class I’m actually interested in this semester is Organic Chemistry.
I’m not engaged, at all. I am distracted by anything and everything that isn’t school. Which probably explains why I did so well on my first OChem midterm, but pretty much BS’d my BIO and Physics midterms that I had this past week.
Old me would’ve crawled into a corner of my room and scolded myself into insanity. But, this week, after each of those midterms, I literally walked out and let the sunlight wash over my thoughts. In all honestly, it felt good to finally not kill myself over not doing well.
Sure, this is probably not going to pan over well this semester, but I had a good week at school. I laughed a lot. I had a wonderful three-course meal lunch with friends that I did not make in high school. I have weekly hangouts with a friend now, even if it’s just for an hour or two. My naps on BART are peaceful. I still write every now and then, and I might be a little more passionate about life.
I just need to find a balance. But this going-into-a-midterm-blind is not cool. As funny as cussing about how fucked I was about that bullshit midterm is, I’d like to make decent grades at the end of the semester. Banking on everyone else doing horrible on the exams and getting on the good side of the curve isn’t reliable.
So I’m making flashcards for my BIO midterm this Monday. Excuse me while I give myself carpal tunnel from writing about 100 new terms.
Good night.
If I can’t do the things I want to do (i.e. listening to music, reading, writing, baking etc.) I’m completely unmotivated to do anything else.
Sigh. Third year’s getting off to a slow start. No bueno.
I have a massive urge to drop out of school, delete my facebook and tumblr, throw my phone out the window and get on a train to somewhere random and just go on a massive adventure.
(via xoashley-nicole)
I just spent the last few hours going through pictures on these two apps, pictures from all over the world.
Honshu, Japan. Winchester, Hampshire, England. Lapland, Finland. The Ice Hotel in Sweden. Vienna, Austria. Cape Town, South Africa. The Maldives Islands. Seoul, South Korea. The white beaches in Palawan, Phillippines. Alaska…
All these breathtaking pictures stirred something within me, and I’ve never felt so compelled to travel and explore. I just want to go, get out of here. If I light up at the pictures of these places, I can only imagine how overwhelmed I would be at the mere sight of the place, standing in the same place where the photographer took the very picture that lured me there. I want to bask in an environment where I am a no one and a someone at the same time.
Today I’ve come to the decision that once I graduate, I’m going to travel. I’ll hold off on the mundane 9-5 hours for a few months, as they’ll still be there when I get back from Compenhagen and Singapore. I want to dip my feet in the still water of the lakes in Highlands, Scotland, and run my hand over to rough walls of The Castle of Wales.
Just for a week. Just for a day or two. Just for a cup of coffee or lunch.
Just once.
The low(s):
- Recent exams—not so great
- finals and papers with due dates that are rapidly approaching.
The high(s):
- One seemingly failed exam grade was curved from 50% to 80%
- my lab partner asked me if he could get me a drink, for doing all the work for today’s experiment.
In limbo:
- Fall semester’s over in three weeks.
In some cases
