// I haven’t been taking school seriously lately.//

If you compared me to who I was last year…well, we might as well be polar opposites.

This semester, I have three lectures and two labs to attend (only, and together they’re only the minimum of 12 units), and I loyally do that, so long as you ignore the fact that I haven’t been paying attention in one of my lectures, and I’ve been half-sleeping through another.  The two lab sessions, I feel are ridiculous as opposed to what their first semesters were like (i.e. BIO 240—“The word ‘fun’ is in fungi, but…the class isn’t; BIO 230—“learning experiences galore”).  The only class I’m actually interested in this semester is Organic Chemistry.

I’m not engaged, at all.  I am distracted by anything and everything that isn’t school.  Which probably explains why I did so well on my first OChem midterm, but pretty much BS’d my BIO and Physics midterms that I had this past week.

Old me would’ve crawled into a corner of my room and scolded myself into insanity.  But, this week, after each of those midterms, I literally walked out and let the sunlight wash over my thoughts.  In all honestly, it felt good to finally not kill myself over not doing well.

Sure, this is probably not going to pan over well this semester, but I had a good week at school.  I laughed a lot.  I had a wonderful three-course meal lunch with friends that I did not make in high school.  I have weekly hangouts with a friend now, even if it’s just for an hour or two.  My naps on BART are peaceful.  I still write every now and then, and I might be a little more passionate about life.

I just need to find a balance.  But this going-into-a-midterm-blind is not cool.  As funny as cussing about how fucked I was about that bullshit midterm is, I’d like to make decent grades at the end of the semester.  Banking on everyone else doing horrible on the exams and getting on the good side of the curve isn’t reliable.

So I’m making flashcards for my BIO midterm this Monday.  Excuse me while I give myself carpal tunnel from writing about 100 new terms.

Good night.